9 Things No One Tells You About Pet Loss

The bond you share with a beloved pet is deep, real, and unlike any other relationship you have in your life. When the time comes to say goodbye, nothing can prepare you for the emptiness you’ll feel when they are no longer by your side.

Or how many little moments will pop up that trigger your emotions and make you desperately yearn for their presence.

In this post, I’m sharing 9 unexpected things you go through after losing a pet. Please know that feeling deep grief for your pet is normal, valid, and there is nothing is wrong with you.

1. The grief you feel can hit harder than losing a person.

Many people who’ve lost pets have also experienced the death of important humans in their lives, and are shocked by the pain from pet loss.

In fact, some say it hits even harder than losing a person.

There are a lot of reasons why.

Relationships with humans can be complicated, marked by conflict, insecurity, or distance.

But with a pet, you can be 100% yourself and still be met with unconditional love.

Your pet likely wasn’t just a companion; they were your greatest source of comfort.

A 2021 study even found that people in grief felt more comforted by their pets than by friends, family, or even therapy.

So when you’re grieving and need your pet more than ever, it’s no wonder it feels unbearable not to have them by your side.

2. People will keep asking when you’re ready to get a new pet.

This question tends to come up sooner than you expect, from many people in your circle.

It usually comes from a place of love. People want to see you smile again, to feel better, to “move forward.”

People are uncomfortable with uncomfortable emotions, like grief. Or sadness. And their rush to discuss a new pet is more about the discomfort they feel than anything else.

AKA – it’s not about you. And you do not have to rush into anything you aren’t ready for.

Your pet was one of a kind. They can’t simply be replaced by another animal.

Your grief is your own and doesn’t need to follow anyone else’s timeline.

3. You’ll experience physical pain from the grief.

I just spoke to a friend who shared that after her dog died, she felt a sharp, aching pain in her chest. It was so intense, she worried something was wrong with her heart.

This is more common than people realize. Because grief isn’t just emotional. The pain is physical.

You might experience tightness in your chest. Exhaustion. Loss of appetite. Sleepless nights. Racing heart. etc.

Of course, if you’re experiencing concerning physical symptoms, you should always check with a doctor.

Just know, when your pet was a source of comfort, routine, and unconditional love, their absence affects EVERYTHING. It’s not “just a pet.” It’s a deep, whole-body kind of loss.

You’re not imagining it. And you’re not alone in feeling it this deeply.

4. You won’t be able to clean up their fur.

You might see a tuft in the corner of the room, or clinging to your favorite sweater.
And you’re suddenly weeping. Because a fluff you’d normally vacuum up is now a cherished remnant of your pet.

In our community, we’ve had conversations about how paw prints discovered in bowls or nose prints smeared on windows are memories we want to keep forever.

Not because we are slobs, but because these are very special mementos of our pets that mean so much once they’re gone.

Signs that they existed, and their spirits are still with us.

There is no rush. And there is nothing wrong with you for keeping this stuff around however long you’d like.

And there is nothing wrong with you if removing these things feels more healing.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Only your way.

5. You’ll call out their name before realizing they aren’t there.

It might happen in the middle of your work day. Or when you instinctively reach for their leash.

This is so common. And it’s because your brain is wired by habit and love.

For years, your pet has been part of your daily life, your routines, your muscle memory… it takes time for your brain to catch up to reality.

These moments can feel jarring. Heartbreaking. But they’re also a reflection of just how deeply you were bonded. It shows just how much space they took up in your life and how much love they were given.

I still sometimes call out to Squiggles, and talk to her. I find it comforting.

6. You might carry their leash with you for weeks, or longer.

When you’re in grief, all you want is to find a moment of relief. It’s okay to find peace in the ways that make the most sense to you.

I’ve found that for many people, carrying a pet’s item, or their remains, is a sacred way to find some comfort and feel closer to them.

No rule or playbook that says when—or if—you need to stop doing this. Do it for the rest of your life if you’d like to.

If it makes you feel better, and you aren’t hurting anyone, who cares?

You get to carry them however you need to.
For as long as you need to.

In our community, we honor these rituals and never judge anyone for how they move through their grief. Because love doesn’t end. And neither should the ways we hold it.

7. People who loved your pet will cope differently than you.

It can be really challenging when you have family members who are all grieving their pet together, but everyone is coping in a different way.

Everyone processes loss differently. Some people distract themselves. Some cry every day. Some shut down.

You might be worried that your husband needs to talk about his feelings more. But sometimes, people aren’t ready to talk about it, and that’s okay.

Or you might be nervous that your kids are crying too much. When releasing emotional tears is in fact healthy.

You yourself may have days where you want to talk about it, and others where you need to just forget.

That’s how I designed our pet loss community, The Furever Forest – so that there is something for you, however you’re showing up in your grief today.

8. Dreaming of your pet will be bittersweet.

When your pet shows up in your dreams, it can feel like a little visit. A chance to see their face again, to hold them, and tell them how much you love them.

You might wake up smiling for a moment, because they were right there with you. Then reality hits, and you’re overwhelmed by tears.

Dreams bring comfort and also stir up fresh waves of grief. Both feelings are valid.

9. Feeling joy again might feel even harder than grieving.

Grief can be heavy, but also familiar. And appropriate. Letting yourself feel joy, on the other hand, can feel confusing… even disloyal to your pet.

You might laugh and then immediately feel guilt. You might have a peaceful day, only to be hit with a wave of sadness when you start to question if you’re forgetting them.

But you’re not. Letting in light doesn’t mean you’ve let go of love.

It means your heart is learning to carry both.

And if any of these resonate, please leave a comment below. Tell us something unexpected you went through after your pet died. I guarantee, someone else has gone through it themselves too.

And if you’re looking for more help, make sure to sign up here for my upcoming book about pet loss and love, It’s All The Same Forest.